I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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