we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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