i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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