I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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