my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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