Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When are your genitals available?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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