I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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