So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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