He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize