Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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