I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize