but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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