One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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