Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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