I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize