Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize