I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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