he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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