This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize