Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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