nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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