put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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