I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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