Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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