how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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