I just threw up on my dentist
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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