using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love having hate sex.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize