im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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