good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize