dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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