Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize