did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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