Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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