when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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