The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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