the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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