If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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