The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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