I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize