Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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