So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize