Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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