somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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