just come out here and I will go home with you...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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