Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Where is the hickey?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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