That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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