just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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