im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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