why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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