FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sarcasm needs its own font
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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