You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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